Thursday, November 24, 2011

It's Funny. Only It's Not

Isn't it funny that just when you're starting to get used to tell yourself that you're pregnant, getting used to the feel of the word "pregnant" rolling in your mouth, you miscarry. Wait that's not funny. At all. Sometimes I feel like the whole universe is against me and my uterus. Just when I think that I've come to terms with losing my baby, I fall apart all over again. It's depressing. I'm depressed. There. I said it. I'm depressed and angry.

You know the five stages of grief? I think I'm going through depression and anger simultaneously. Most of the time I feel like punching someone in the face. Anybody will do at this point. And in super clingy. I can't have DH out of my sight or I'll freak out. I wonder how I will do when I start working next week. And that's another thing. I don't think I can take it if anyone asks me how I'm doing. I think I'll fall apart. I don't have an answer to that question. But we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

DH and I will be going away this weekend. He's taking me to a nice hotel in the city. No chance of doing the BD coz I'm still bleeding but at least I get to spend time with him and only him. For now it's all I ever need. I know that deep inside I'm a strong person but I want to grieve. I want to be sad for the baby that we lost. And I'm doing my grieving on my own terms.

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