Sunday, April 29, 2012

An Update

So we had our ER on Friday. We got to the clinic an hour early just in case. As soon as we got there the nurse told me to go pee and change into hospital garbs. Fifteen minutes later I was told that Prof was ready for me. I got myself comfortable on the stirrups and the nurse started to inject sedatives into my vein. I must have passed out soon after. I think they miscalculated on the dose coz I remember waking up (albeit very groggy) in the middle of the procedure and I remember telling the nurse that I was in pain. And then I passed out again. I'm not sure if it was all a dream or that me waking up really happened, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. What's important is that we managed to pick up 8 eggs and according to DH our Prof looked fairly optimistic.

And today I got a call from the clinic saying that out of the 8 eggs, 4 were fertilized. They thought only two made it but yesterday they found that another two fertilized. So far they have only split to two cells so it looks like ET tomorrow is not gonna happen. They're hoping to wait for the embryos to split to eight cells. The nurse also mentioned that some of the embryos are fragmented. I did some googling and read that fragmented embryo could lead to lower chance of implantation so I really hope that the degree of fragmentation is not too high. The nurse did say that they're gonna do a blastocyst transfer which I hope will give me a better chance. So now we wait for another phone call.

I don't know whether this is a good sign but I'm not too worried when the nurse told us of the progress. I've been through the "worrying all the way" stage and that didn't work out too well for us. Hopefully this calm new me means that we're gonna get a positive outcome, InsyaAllah.

So it looks like I'm going to the office tomorrow after all. As for today, I'm gonna go out on a date with my wonderful DH. It's my last weekend of freedom before I'm put under strict house arrest by DH for three weeks :). Until the next update...


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Good News!

So today is CD11 which means I'm scheduled for a scan to see how many eggs I have. And it turns out I have 20 (including 10 big ones)! Hooray! Prof was very optimistic just now and since my eggs are already quite big, he's scheduled ER for tomorrow afternoon. Double hooray!!! He saw us while we were waiting to be called for the scan and he immediately ushered us in although there was another couple who was waiting for their turn. Thanks Prof for the "royal treatment" LOL. The nurse gave me my Ovidrel shot so we're all set and good to go for a 4.30 p.m. ER. I'm super duper excited about this. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is that I have to stop taking any food or liquid by 8 a.m. tomorrow morning, except for Monurol which I'm supposed to take at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Right now I'm feeling awesome, except for a bit of pain on my right side of the abdomen (probably coz of the 20 eggs) but it's nothing I can't handle. So far everything is going as smooth as I hope it would be, but I also need to remind myself that this road is still long. For now we'll just have to wait for tomorrow's ER.

Will update soon.

Much love,

Monday, April 23, 2012

CD8 Update

It's CD8 and I'm happy to report that I've been very positive and not a single tear has been shed thus far. I can already feel that this cycle is different from the first one. Even DH commented this morning on our way to work saying that he feels different about this cycle too. I mean we've already been through the worst that could happen i.e. the miscarriage right? And we pulled through and the whole experience made us stronger and more determined.

I haven't told anyone at all about this cycle except for a select few:
1. My parents coz my mom will be staying with me during my bedrest. I didn't even tell my siblings and DH didn't even tell his mom and family
2. My buttcheeks coz they know every single thing that's going on in my life
3. My wonderful BBC ladies coz we cheer each other on
4. My other best friend coz we talk everyday on YM
5. My office clerks and immediate boss so that they can be prepared for my three week break

The main reason why I don't want to tell a lot of people is because of the added pressure and expectation. So we're laying low this time. I figured that what DH and I do for our family is our business and nobody else's.

So anyway, I learned that today is Infertility Awareness Week. Some great blog posts from bloggers I follow on Infertility Awareness Week that I'd like to share. One is from Jay from The Two Week Wait blog here and from Stirrup Queens here. Reading these posts remind me that I am not alone and that whatever I do, Don't Ignore Hope.

Also, have a listen to Jack Savoretti's album "Between The Minds". I love the lyrics, his voice is amazing and the acoustics are excellent. Notable tracks are "Dreamers", "No One's Aware", "Lovely Fool" and "Dr. Frankenstein."

I'm gonna head out to the bookstore in a bit to stock up on my provision for my bed rest LOL. Have a great day everyone!

Much love,

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My Three Week's House Arrest Plan

So my ER and ET days are fast approaching (yay!) So far I'm feeling alright although I am easily ticked off especially at work. How can you not be when you have to deal with 1001 people throwing stupid illogical questions your way? It's taking every ounce of patience that I have not to scream obscenities. Even two of my closest colleagues have noticed, but knowing them, my temper tantrums have been turned into something we can laugh about. I thank God that I have these two to keep me sane, while at the same time, join me with my insanity LOL.

Anyway, here's what I plan to do during my three week house arrest. Read (stating the obvious here :P) and play catch up with a few TV shows.

1. Mad Men

I have no idea what Mad Men is about but I have heard rave reviews about this show (must Google later). Season 4 has just started so we'll see if I manage to catch up with this one. 

2. Revenge

I am obsessed with this show. Emily VanCamp's portrayal as a girl who is set on bringing down the people who were responsibility in tossing her dad in jail is perfect and chilling at times. One minute she can be the super sweet girl-next-door and the next minute she'll be a vengeful psycho. And there's that awesome Madeleine Stowe who is perfect as a high society socialite.

3. Smash

For some reason Smash doesn't really hold my interest. I watched the premier halfway through and it was a bit "meh" for me, which is funny because I love, love, love Glee. Maybe because Glee is a comedy of sorts and Smash more drama centric and a bit heavier. But one of my buttcheeks swears that it's good so I'm gonna give it a go.

Any other ideas for must-watch-TV shows during my break?

Much love,

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I'm A Pro At This

So I went to the MAC clinic this morning to get my supply of Puregon shots. The nurse asked me if I knew how to work the pen and I like a pro, immediately inserted the needle, adjusted the dial, poked the needle into my flabby tummy and pressed. I didn't need her help at all.That's what you get for TTC for 7 years LOL. As I've said in my last post, I'm trying to see the positive side in everything and so far all these positive vibes rock! This time five months ago, every little thing could set me off and I will start crying. I was also very VERY clingy to DH. Not to say that I'm not clingy now, but five months ago I couldn't let him out of my sight. That's how clingy I was. Lucky for me DH is a very very patient man LOL.

I'm doing great so far, but it's still to early to tell. It's only CD2 today. I have a looooong way to go. If all goes well, I'll go for my scan next Thursday and my ER will be either on Friday or Saturday next week. Yay!!

Anyway, here's a look at my best friends for the next week :P

Sorry my hand was a bit shaky. Blame it on the Puregon shot LOL

Well, hello there. I haven't seen in you in a while

Will update more soon. 

Much love,

Monday, April 16, 2012

It's Here!!!

I can't believe I'm excited about this but AF is here! Today is officially CD1 and as at 1 p.m. AF has come in full force so I'm gonna start taking Clomid at 3 p.m. That gives me enough time to come back from lunch everyday before I take my daily dose of Clomid and Puregon. I had a slight panic attack justnow coz I realized that I haven't bought any of my Puregon shots yet but since I'm only taking Clomid in the afternoon, I still have time to get my Puregon supply from the hospital tomorrow morning for my shot at 3 p.m. This cycle I am trying to take everything in a positive way. For e.g. I am now having slight AF cramps and when I texted my husband, this is what I wrote:

"Tummy ache. Hahaha"

I'm hoping that this positive attitude will last until the end of my pregnancy. Yes I'm that optimistic to think that this cycle will work :P We'll see if the shots give me mood swings like before. I hope not. Will update more on this soon.

On another note, Mama stayed over at our house last weekend. It was fun having her around. We took her out to get her gold bracelet. I told her earlier this year that I would like to give her a present when I get my bonus and I got it last weekend, Alhamdulillah, and she chose to get a bracelet. I got one for myself too (oops!). I've never like jewelry except for the wedding rings and bracelet that DH gave me, but Mama managed to convince me to get one for myself. How she managed to that is beyond me LOL. And I also got this for myself last weekend. I've been eyeing this for so long and finally I got one.Yay me! So that leaves presents for Baba and DH and the rest will go to the "IVF Fund".

Right-o. Must get back to reviewing agreements (yawn...). Till the next update!


Friday, April 13, 2012

A Mini Break

So Wednesday was the coronation day of our new King and so was declared a public holiday (yay!). I had loads of plans yesterday. Well, two actually but they took up 80% of the day. One of my buttcheeks will be on her IVF#2 this month too (the first one was aborted coz there wasn't any eggs) and another one is having problems at work. So since the three of us needed a whole load of cheering up, we decided to go for a spa retreat!

We found a place (recommended by a friend) called Khareyana Spa and immediately made a reservation. Our appointment was at 12 noon and one buttcheek, M, and I decided to take train and my other buttcheek, F, would pick us up at the train station. As soon as we hopped on the train M and I started talking and we were so engrossed in our conversation that we actually missed our stop LOL. So we had to get off, hop on the train on the other line and double back hahaha. This has never happened to me before so I found it quite hilarious. As promised F picked us up at the station and we spent a good 15 minutes looking for the spa. Luckily we got there a little bit before noon so there was time to catch our breaths. Thank God we picked this spa coz it was gorgeous. It had a Balinese/Javanese theme and was very calm and serene. We chose the Ken Dedes package which includes a body scrub, massage, vaginal smoke (more of that later) and a bath, all in three glorious hours.

Here a sneak peak

 The walkway separating the individual treatment rooms

The bath tub

The massage was super awesome. It hurt a bit when the masseuse massaged my legs but then again, my legs are one of the most ticklish/sensitive parts of my body. She was lucky that I didn't kick her when she massaged my feet. I once kicked DH for tickling my feet. Hey it was an automatic reaction :P

We did the vaginal smoke thingy, known as "bertangas" which is supposed to reduce vaginal discharge and to tighten whatever is loose down there, if you know what I mean. Basically I had to sit by spreading my legs as wide as I could at a stool pictured below with a sort of small fire emitting smoke underneath. Every now and then the masseuse will fan the fire so the smoke would rise up to my vajayjay. It was an interesting experience I must say. A bit weird but interesting LOL.
 The "bertangas" stool

Us after the spa treatment. Refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world!

I'm so glad I did this with my friends. It was exactly what each of us needed. So what did you guys do last weekend?

Much love,

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Minor Meltdown

So I was reading last night and suddenly it occurred to me that in less than two weeks I will be starting IVF #2. And then I started crying. I guess all this time I've been refusing to think about it and have been putting this whole IVF #2 at the far corner of my mind. And then last night it hit me. To make things worse, DH was not at home. He was out playing badminton with his buddies. So there I was, alone on my bed crying my eyeballs out. For some reason I kept thinking about the nights after my miscarriage when I asked DH to stay the nights with me and he did. No questions asked eventhough we had to share a single bed. He was with me, holding me the entire time.

I'm scared. There I said it. I'm scared that this cycle will fail. I'm scared that this cycle will work and then I will lose the baby (again). I was so glad when DH came home. When he saw that I've been crying he immediately pulled me to him and that made me cry more. I asked him if he ever thinks about this new cycle and he admitted he does. He said he's as scared as I am and I love him for admitting that. He asked me if I want to postpone doing this but I told him I want to do this now. But I love him for asking.

I don't know what's gonna happen, it's all in His hands. But I know I must have faith that things will work out for us. Sometimes I wonder how is it possible for someone to be lucky and unlucky at the same time. I'm so lucky to have found DH and yet I'm also the unluckiest person in the world for not being able to have a baby.

Anyway, enough moping. This is what I read last night. I bought this book yesterday and started reading at 6 p.m. and finished it by 10 p.m. The story may not be very original but I just couldn't stop reading. I can't tell you about the book without revealing spoilers. It's a story of friendship, teenage love and a mother's love and loss all rolled into one. There were moments in the book where I cried. There was a line in this book that stays with me.

"Maybe you need to be broken a little before you can put yourself back together."

It was like the author was looking at me when she wrote this line. Have a go at this one. I've loved Kristin Hannah since I read Firefly Lane (excellent, excellent book) and this one doesn't disappoint.

Note to self: Must find more books to keep me company during my "house arrest".

Oh and Tyler Hilton's new album "Forget The Storm" came out. If you are a fan of One Tree Hill (I'm quite embarrassed to admit, but I am) you would know him from Season 2 and Season 9. I love his raspy, soulful voice and I love the lyrics to his songs. My favourite track would have to be "Prince of Nothing Charming."

One of my current favourite Tyler Hilton songs which I have on repeat on my iPod is "Keep On" from his Ladies & Gentleman EP".
The chorus goes like this:

When you lose what you love, live on live on
When the road gets too rough, be strong be strong
What you can't understand, but you're starting to see
It'll work in the end, you just got to believe
And keep on, keep on

So now whenever I'm down I will listen to this song and tell myself to keep on, keep on. And it'll work in the end.

Much love,

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

10 Things About Me

Just thought I'd do something fun today so I'm gonna tell you ten things about myself.

1. I am the second of three siblings (all girls).

2. I used to have 10 Persian cats when I was a kid.

3. I love to read and I find stuff on general knowledge fascinating. Yes I'm a nerd.

4. I love watching cartoons/animated movies. The last animated movie I watched was The Lorax (awesome movie by the way).

5. My husband was my classmate in law school but I only noticed him in our final year (yes I can be oblivious to my surrounding and people around me :P)

6. The one thing that I want most in this world is to be a mother.

7. I am a very impatient person (DH and my mom can vouch for this).

8. I can only listen to mainstream songs on the radio for a short period of time before I get bored. 95% of the songs in my iPod/iPhone are from indie singers/songwriters.

9. I love candies/sweets more than chocolate.

10. I believe with all my heart that one day, InsyaAllah I will become a mother.

There you go. I'll probably put up 10 more things about me in the future. Till then...

Much love,

Monday, April 2, 2012

Books, books, books

One thing you should know about me is that I love to read. When I was a kid whenever my parents brought me to a bookstore, more often than not a book would catch my eye, I would grab it from the shelf and I would just sit on the floor and devoured it. I still do it now. It's a good thing that most of the big bookstores here have chairs/sofas/benches so customers can do what I used to do when I was a kid. Before I was married I would stay up till the wee hours of the morning just to finish a book.

Sadly, I don't have that same luxury now. The only time I have to read is during weekends. When I was under house arrest during my first IVF cycle, I finished 18 books in the span of three weeks. Even DH couldn't believe it haha. Anyway, i just finished reading Home Front by Kristin Hannah yesterday. You know when you read a book and after you've read the last line and close the book, the story will just linger in your head? This is what this book did to me. Home Front tells the story of Jolene, a helicopter pilot in the National Guard who has been called for active duty in Iraq. Right before her deployment her husband, Michael tells her that he doesn't love her anymore. Her leaving for Iraq has left him in charge of their two children. When she meets with an accident, Michael begins to see their marriage in a new perspective and must find a way to manage their marriage which is falling apart, their children and a way to win back her love.

Front Cover
I find that this book is very moving (I cried a lot while reading this). There's a lot of tragedy going on in this book. The Iraq war for one thing (which I still think is a pointless war). Another is the disintegration of a family unit and how the members of the family bounce back in the face of adversity. I won't tell you more coz I don't want to spoil your reading experience. I've been a fan of Kristin Hannah for quite a while and I must say that this book ranks almost on par with her other book, Firefly Lane which I thought was superb. Heck, a book which can make cry a lot and which I finish in one night must be good, yes? So if there's a book that you should read, this is it.

I'm gonna start on Jodi Picoult's latest work, Lone Wolf soon. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint.

So what book have you been reading lately? Any good recommendations?

"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselor, and the most patient of teachers ~ Charles W. Eliot"

Much love,