Friday, June 1, 2012

What's In A Dream?

Last night I dreamt about snails. It was pretty creepy. They were everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, even on the ceiling. For some reason I cried in my sleep and DH had to wake me up. I've been having quite a few dreams lately where I cried and DH had to wake me. A couple of weeks ago I posted about dreams and how I've been having them every night since the ET. My buttcheek told me that it's a pregnancy symptom, but now I"m not so sure.

DH asked me what I was dreaming about and I told him. He asked me if I had dreams about animals before and I said I did. (Remember the goat dream?) He thought about this for a bit and then turned to me and said, "I think 'something' is bothering you." Cue the Twilight Zone theme song.

Come to think of it, it's not so far-fetched. It could be why I can't seem to keep my babies for more than 6 weeks. DH thinks that there's probably "something" that's eating my babies. Creepy huh?

So, we're gonna go see an Ustaz, we don't know yet who, before we start IVF #3, just to rule out the possibility of "something" bothering me, and if there really is "something" bothering me, then we're gonna get help to get rid of it. Hopefully this will help us somewhat in our baby journey. Will post more about this when we've seen the Ustaz.

On another note, today has been a good day. I feel much better. I checked in my BBC board last night. Even though I miscarried, I love seeing how my BBC friends' pregnancies are progressing. It gives me hope. I was reading the posts and as I was reading a post for me, I felt tears welling up. What a friend wrote about my miscarriage moved me to tears. She also suffered multiple losses before going on to have  a successful pregnancy. She's now 20 weeks along. Besides DH, my BBC friends are the only ones who know what it's like to be in my position. Princess, if you're reading this, you are awesome and I'm glad I have you to lean on during this difficult time. You're my inspiration. The same goes for all my other BBC friends. I think without them (and DH) I'd just crumble and die. Okay, I'm being a melodramatic here LOL. But it's true.

I also think being at the office really helps. (Sometimes) I love my job and I know I'm good at it and vetting and preparing contracts keep my mind from wandering. It's reassuring to know that even after a month of absence and despite my miscarriage, I still can do my work well. One of my internal clients, Zai, took me and my two colleagues out for lunch this afternoon at Alexis. It was a really good lunch and Zai who previously worked as a Sales Director at one of the hotels in KL kept us laughing with her stories about the hotel guests that she encountered at her old job. It's been a long time since I've laughed so hard, I swear my jaw hurt. It was really good not to think about this whole baby, IVF and miscarriage issues, if only for two hours.

Later in the evening I went out with DH on a date to KLCC. We didn't do much. I bought some stuff at Marks & Spencer. I wanted to get a pair of running shoes but the store didn't have the pair that I wanted in my size. Boo. I thought it'd be a good idea to get myself in shape before we start with the new IVF cycle. Oh well, I'll try again next week.

We're going back to my parents house this weekend. I promised my parents that I would take them out for lunch, so that's another thing to look forward to. Will write more soon.

Much love,

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