It's been 15 days since my miscarriage. I've been thinking about it a lot these past couple of days, what I've learned and how it has changed me. A little part of me has changed, for the better or for worse, I don't know yet. Change or no change, here are some of the things I've learned from this experience:
1. I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for. Sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
2. Life goes on. Babies will be born. People get pregnant and they will want to share their pregnancy and baby stories. I must learn not to be selfish and try to accept this while at the same time refrain from blowing their heads off with my imaginary shotgun.
3. I may not always be able to depend on people whom I thought I could count on. I learned this the hard way.
4. Must not tell people about our next IVF plan, except for close family and selected friends. See No. 4 above.
5. Laughter really is the best medicine.
6. The pain over the loss will not go away overnight. I need time to heal, and I will heal.
7. It's okay to be sad and angry with infertility. It motivates me to try again and never give up.
8. Learning about other people's experiences, their trials and tribulations as well as their successes is key to my infertile sanity. I am not alone in this.
9. The best support can sometimes come from the most unexpected source. A BBC friend who lives thousands of miles away and whom I've never met said this to me, "I hate that you are going through this again - it's so unfair!" For some reason, this comforted me. I wanna hug her, but I can't.
10. I'm grateful every day that I'm married to DH.
"I may not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday." ~ Anon