I was invited to join my close friends for lunch this Saturday and I declined, telling them I'm not ready to face them and that I might cry when I look at their faces. While all this is true, what I didn't tell them is that I already feel disconnected. All of a sudden, I feel like we don't have anything in common anymore. I'm afraid that if I do go out with them, I will be the silent one with nothing to say, while the rest talk about what's going on in their lives, their kids and their pregnancies. I feel like I don't belong anymore. Maybe this is my sadness and disappointment talking, but it is what it is.
I love my friends, I really do but maybe being disconnected is what I need to put things into perspective. I need to focus on me, DH and our journey towards having our own baby. I need to focus on what's important in my own life. I need to be selfish. After all that I have been through, I think I have the right to, don't I?
Do I really belong?