Yesterday, on my way to work, a good friend of mine texted me and told me that she needed to tell me something. In my heart I already knew what she was going to say. That she was pregnant. Again, while I'm over the moon about her being pregnant, I was extremely sad for me. I told her truthfully that I was crying while we were texting and she understood. Knowing my fertility struggles, she also understood how difficult it would be for me if she announced it to our group of friends, so she decided to tell me personally first. At that moment, I felt such gratitude for this friend thinking about how considerate she was.
I've been having my "alone time" lately after I found out about my BFN. I didn't feel like socializing much. While I know that it's not healthy, I've also been staying away from my closest friends. Our daily conversations will be peppered with stories about babies and pregnancies, and I cannot deal with that right now. It's something that I need to do. Do I miss them? Sure I do. But I miss my old self more. And I want to be my old self again. I want to be happy and to be ready for our next IVF. I think I deserve to be selfish once in a while, for me and DH's sake. Speaking of DH, since he was next to me when my friend texted me, I asked him if guys are affected by pregnancy announcements too? He told me that he does get affected, although he doesn't show it, most probably because he doesn't want me to be more sad that I already am by those announcements. And that made me sad. Most of the time we tend to feel that all these struggles are mostly about us, the wives, and we sometimes forget that our husbands are in the same position as we are.
And speaking of being sad, I recently read Imam Khalid Latif's article in Huffington Post. Reading it felt like such a comfort to me. In his article he says that there is nothing wrong about being sad. It's what makes us human. Even the Prophet pbuh shed tears upon the death of his son, Ibrahim. I'll leave you with a quote from the article.
"I don't think being sad is necessarily an indication of one's faith, especially not a weakness of it" ~ Imam Khalid Latif
Have a good day!