I must have stayed in the toilet for a good 20 minutes sobbing and crying my heart out. Did I feel better after that? A little bit. But the sadness and pain are still there. They will always be there. And that "why me?" question will always be lingering in my head. I've carried that sadness with me for 8 years and I will continue to carry it until the day God decides that I've been sad long enough.
One of my BBC friends told me today that "God is still perfecting all the right parts and making sure everything is right. When it's ready He will ship the most beautiful baby to us when the time is ideal." Another BBC friend said, "it takes an incredible person to go through what we've been through and to keep going." Those beautiful words brought tears to my eyes. So I thank you Princess and Mandy for reminding me of this and of what I'm fighting for.
And my best friend's text telling me that "God will never break his promise, so long as we keep praying and hoping" had me bawling.