You know what bums me out? People's lack of empathy. And when people who are closest to you let you down? It sucks, and it hurts. I remember after my second IVF ended in a miscarriage, a friend told me to take a few days to to grieve and them move on. I'm sorry. What the bloody f***? Who the hell is she to tell me how long to grieve? Grieving is a process. You don't just snap out of it and "move on" in just a few days. I had a baby inside of me for 6 weeks and that baby died, and you're telling me to grieve for a few days? And when my recent IUI failed and I told a couple of friends that I'm taking a break from treatment and will be going to Japan in November, they told me that they're jealous about my trip. Ermmm...hello? My beta came back negative and you're jealous that I'm going to Japan? Again, what the bloody f***? What about me being jealous of you guys who have kids/pregnant? I get that maybe they mean well, but seriously folks, a little tact is much appreciated.
I can't begin to tell you how upset am I of this. I'm already beginning to feel distant and disconnected from the people I'm close to. Maybe it's just me being overly insensitive. Maybe I'm being a bit selfish in thinking that my feelings matter. But that's me. People who know me know how much I want a baby, how much I crave being a mom. A little support (with the right words) is all I'm asking for. I'm particularly sad about all this because I like to think that I'm a good friend. When my friends need encouragement, I try to be there on the sidelines cheering them on with imaginary pom-poms. One of my buttcheeks is currently pregnant via IVF #2, although it hurts me like crazy (we went for treatment at almost the same time), I am genuinely happy for her.
It's funny that at times like this, I find myself turning to strangers. Well, not exactly strangers, just people I know but have never met. I turn to my Babycenter friends for support, and they have been incredible. I cannot even begin to tell them how much their support means to me. I also turn to my Twitter friends, whom also I have never met. Their sense of humor gets me through days when I feel like banging my head against the wall.
So to my friends who have been there for me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I could give each and every one of a you a hug, I would. To those who haven't, I hope that time will heal all wounds. I really do love you guys, but for now it hurts too much.