So it was my 32nd birthday on Monday. Gosh how time flies. I took the day off and DH did the same. It was really sweet of him to do that and to spend the whole day with me. We didn't anything much. He took me to Jake's and we shared 500gm of porterhouse steak. By the time we were done, there wasn't much room in my tummy left for dessert so I told him that we could have cake another day. Then we went home and just hung out in front of the telly LOL.
The past year has been a somewhat roller coaster year for both me and DH. I've had a lot of laughs and shed a lot of tears. I've had a couple of office crisis and I've also been promoted. The last quarter of the year has been filled with trips to the fertility clinic and loads and loads of hormone injections and pills. A lot of ups and downs, that's for sure. It's fitting that my birthday is in December coz for me the new year starts on the day of my birthday. It's a day when I look back at the year that has gone by and see whether I had been a good wife, daughter, sister and friend.
There are a lot of things to be thankful for this year. I'm thankful to be blessed with six years of marital bliss with DH, an incredible incredible man. I'm thankful for my parents and sisters who love me. I'm thankful for the wonderful friends that I have. I'm thankful for the new friends I've made on BabyCenter and for their advice and encouragement. Most of all, this year I am thankful for the chance to experience pregnancy, even if it was only for six weeks. I never thought that being pregnant was even possible for me and it did happen and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Of course there were a few downs, most notably my miscarriage. It was definitely the most emotionally painful experience of my life. It was a very humbling experience. Having had to go through fertility treatment and then a miscarriage made me realize how much I've taken for granted the blessings that the Almighty has given me and that as easily He has given me such blessing, He could take it away just as easily.
I have decided that I will not look back at my failure to bring my little peanut to full term. It was nobody's fault. It most definitely was not mine. I tried and I failed. So I will keep my head up and believe that with a lot of faith and determination, I will have a baby. If not this year, then someday. We will try again with, if not IVF, another round of IUI next year and InsyaAllah our baby will be waiting for us.
My wish for everyone, especially my fellow infertiles is that we will never lose hope. Hope is a very powerful thing indeed. One of my favourite poems is by Emily Dickinson, aptly titled "Hope."
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
And with that, I wish everyone a very good year ahead. Much love :)