Thursday, January 15, 2015

Bruises, and no baby

So I'm in bed watching the series finale of Parenthood (for the second time) as I write this. Have you seen it by the way? It's really good. Had me cry buckets. Anyway, I had my FET ET last Wednesdsy. Everything looked perfect. We transferred two blastocysts, and both of the have hatched.


Before the ET I had to take Orgalutron and Proluton shots. As I said, they hurt like a bitch. And they gave me bruises.


So after ET I was on bed rest, eating mostly rice with fish and vegetables, nothing spicy until my beta on Wednesday. And guess what? My beta is 3. 3!!! 2 more points to being pregnant. Laughable really. It really felt like the universe was mocking me. Dr. Adilah however told me my progesterone level looks good and asked me to stay on my progesterone pills and comeback for beta on Friday, which is today. So I went again for beta, waited till 12 pm to text the doctor to ask her my result and her reply was, "beta is <2. Stop medication. Call for appoint on day 12." 

So that's it folks! We're done for this cycle. 

I have to say though, that me and DH did really well emotionally this time. We didn't cry when we found out the result. I cried buckets over Parenthood finale and none when I found out our beta result both times. We took it in our stride. I suppose you can say for me especially, too much disappointments have made me a little bit indifferent. Am I disappointed? Of course I am. Am I giving up? Hell to the no. I guess I'm more accepting this time. I mean, DH, our RE and I have done all we could and we left it all to Him. And He is saying it is not our time yet, so me and DH accept that. We're already talking about our plans for our 5th IVF, whether it's a via a fresh cycle or FET. We still have two morulas left, so we'll see.

Do I feel like I've been punched in the gut and roll my eyes to high heaven when I see my friends post photos of their perfect babies on my Instagram feed? Of course I do. Come on guys. I'm only human. But I'm accepting it.

I'm going on a holiday in Krabi with my best girlfriends and their families in March, and then DH wants us to go on a holiday just the two of us after that. I suggested we get our diving certificates, something that I have always wanted to do, and he is open to it. And then we'll start trying again Insha Allah.

In the meantime, since I'll be returning to the office next Wednesday, I'm gonna spend the rest of my break finishing watching Parenthood reruns with a box of Kleenex next to me. Seriously guys. Go watch it. One of the best, if not the best TV shows ever, after Friday Night Lights. And we know how I feel about Friday Night Lights :D


  1. hugs aiza... keep on positive thoughts and be strong dear. InshaAllah, smg ada rezeki for you soon...Amin...

  2. Hugs to you. I cried reading this post. You are really strong, i mean really really strong. I will really pray for you dear. Semoga Allah bagi rezeki to you soon and may he blessed and reward you with what you asked for, with all the patience you had in you and all the hardship that u hv gone thru. Baby dust to u. Continue to be strong k.

  3. And sorry i have my baby's pictures all over my insta. But i thank God so much for making me wait 8 years for this that i truly really appreciate what i have now and i cant hide it.