Now that my appointment date with my doc is just around the corner, I can't help thinking about the hurdles that DH and I had to go through last year and the ones that we have to go through again this year. The shots, the egg retrieval, the transfer, the holding our breaths to see the positive sign on the HPT, the scan to see the heartbeat. The list goes on and on. Will I be stronger this time around? Will I approach the whole thing differently? So many questions. So many uncertainties.
I think this time I'm not gonna take things too seriously before the actual procedure starts. It's a serious business, this whole IVF thingy but unlike last time where the whole thing was regimented right down to the T, this time I'm just gonna go with the flow. Example, last time a couple of months before the procedure, I made sure that I slept by 10 p.m. I made sure that I eat healthily. No half boiled eggs, no fast food, no junk food. I did all sorts of research on IVF and obsessed on the success rates. I made sure I did everything I was supposed to do. And look where it got me. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably when I lost our little peanut.
This morning I had two half-boiled eggs and I enjoyed every spoonful (of course half-boiled eggs and junk food will be strictly banned as soon as I start taking my hormones) I spent last night on the couch in DH's arms and watched the telly and slept at 11 p.m. The only research I did this time around is whether there's a good correlation between acupuncture and successful IVFs.
The point is, before I actually start taking my hormone meds and do the actual procedure, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy each day that's given to me. No more obsessions, no more strict regiments. They do things to your emotions. They really do. And being in control of your emotions is important when you do any fertility treatment.
So here's to jumping in head first. Wish me luck!