Bruises, and no baby

So I'm in bed watching the series finale of Parenthood (for the second time) as I write this. Have you seen it by the way? It's really good. Had me cry buckets. Anyway, I had my FET ET last Wednesdsy. Everything looked perfect. We transferred two blastocysts, and both of the have hatched.

See?

Before the ET I had to take Orgalutron and Proluton shots. As I said, they hurt like a bitch. And they gave me bruises.

See??

So after ET I was on bed rest, eating mostly rice with fish and vegetables, nothing spicy until my beta on Wednesday. And guess what? My beta is 3. 3!!! 2 more points to being pregnant. Laughable really. It really felt like the universe was mocking me. Dr. Adilah however told me my progesterone level looks good and asked me to stay on my progesterone pills and comeback for beta on Friday, which is today. So I went again for beta, waited till 12 pm to text the doctor to ask her my result and her reply was, "beta is <2. Stop medication. Call for appoint on day 12." 

So that's it folks! We're done for this cycle. 

I have to say though, that me and DH did really well emotionally this time. We didn't cry when we found out the result. I cried buckets over Parenthood finale and none when I found out our beta result both times. We took it in our stride. I suppose you can say for me especially, too much disappointments have made me a little bit indifferent. Am I disappointed? Of course I am. Am I giving up? Hell to the no. I guess I'm more accepting this time. I mean, DH, our RE and I have done all we could and we left it all to Him. And He is saying it is not our time yet, so me and DH accept that. We're already talking about our plans for our 5th IVF, whether it's a via a fresh cycle or FET. We still have two morulas left, so we'll see.

Do I feel like I've been punched in the gut and roll my eyes to high heaven when I see my friends post photos of their perfect babies on my Instagram feed? Of course I do. Come on guys. I'm only human. But I'm accepting it.

I'm going on a holiday in Krabi with my best girlfriends and their families in March, and then DH wants us to go on a holiday just the two of us after that. I suggested we get our diving certificates, something that I have always wanted to do, and he is open to it. And then we'll start trying again Insha Allah.

In the meantime, since I'll be returning to the office next Wednesday, I'm gonna spend the rest of my break finishing watching Parenthood reruns with a box of Kleenex next to me. Seriously guys. Go watch it. One of the best, if not the best TV shows ever, after Friday Night Lights. And we know how I feel about Friday Night Lights :D

And We Have Blood

So I had my last Orgalutron shot for this cycle 19 minutes ago. And I drew blood. What a nice send off. Hubs looked like he could faint. Men. Tough on the outside but gooey on the inside. Like marshmallows. LOL.

There. It doesn't look that bad, does it? Hurts like a b***ch though LOL. Anyway, that's done. I'm already on Femoston which I have take vaginally. Speaking of...

See, sometimes the only things that will get you through all this hardship and ordeal are (a) praying, and (b) a truck load of humour. 

On another note, I've been going to the gym for a couple of months now and I've only recently started joining the Body Balance class. It's a combination of yoga, Pilates and tai chi and I have to say, the class is so good and the instructor is way awesome. I've heard and read people say that yoga is good for fertility so I'm giving it a go. And if you guys are thinking of taking up yoga, try Fitness First at Avenue K and keep a lookout for classes conducted by one Nick Heng. Love the dude!

Right. Off to bed now. Good night my chickadees!

Happy New Year!

Hello lovelies. How's 2015 treating you so far?  Good I hope, unlike mine. I slept through the fireworks. No surprise there. The first couple of days of 2015 have been a bit bumpy for me. AF came, which means that I had to start taking my Orgalutron shots and my Progynova pills. For some reason, this time the idea of giving myself shots terrified me. I am suddenly afraid of needles. WTH??? I had to take a couple of breaths before giving myself my first shot, and the needle didn't seem to want to pierce my tummy. So I had to try again. And it hurt like hell. I even shed a few tears. WTH??? That has never happened before. I used to be okay with needles. Needles and me? We used to be buddies.

The second shot I had to give myself, I had to do it without hubs sitting next to me. He had to go back to his hometown in Kelantan to clean up his dad's house which was hit by the recent flood. Not the best time for him to go back, but it was something he had to do. And I cried buckets when I sent him to the airport, you would think I wouldn't see him for a year hen in fact he was only gone for one night. Thank God a good friend called to ask if I was okay and asked me out for brunch. We had a good laugh and for a while I forgot how lonely I was without hubs. Thanks Intan! You saved me from a day of wallowing :P That night, I had hubs on speaker the whole time I gave myself the shot. 

3rd shot tonight he was at already at home with me holding my hand. He turned away of course. He can't stand needles and seeing me in pain is something he cannot do. And boy did it hurt. I bled a little and it hurt bad that my teeth chattered for a good few minutes after that. 

So that was my 2015 so far. Fun stuff. I'm supposed to go easy and not strain myself too much. Nurse's order. I'm still gonna do my Pilates and yoga for a bit before I have to stop going to the gym for a while. Tomorrow's gonna be a lazy day. If we wake up early we might go for a morning walk, walk to the market, make lunch and then spend the afternoon on the couch watching DVDs. And then I need to psyche myself up to take the 4th shot at night. I'm already gritting my teeth at the thought.

Until the next update, I hope you are having a lovely weekend my chickadees!