It's Happening Again

My beta #2 result came back today. I was expecting it to be in the region of 300 and above but it came back at 24, down from 55. At this point in time I don't know what to feel. I'm preparing myself for the worse. Surprisingly I didn't cry. I don't know whether I'm in shock or I'm probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown (highly likely). Maybe I have no more tears left in me to cry anymore. I know one thing. If this cycle doesn't work out, I'm done. I'm done with the needles, I'm done with the ER, the ET, the hope that I'm finally gonna have a successful pregnancy. I might change my mind a few months down the line, but right now I'm done. Too much money spent, too much expectation, too many tears, too many bloods drawn and I'm done.

DH texted Prof to ask him what this means. Prof replied by saying that if the number goes down, it's normally not a good sign (big surprise here) but he has asked me to continue with the medication and shots and just wait for the ultrasound on the 29th. Am I still hopeful? Maybe just a little bit. As long as AF doesn't show up, I'll consider myself pregnant. But right now I'm thinking it's a chemical pregnancy, which is even worse coz it means that it's over before it even begins. AF is not due till tomorrow so we shall see. But like I said, if it does show up, I'm done. For now.

This sucks.