Ramblings

So I was scrolling through my Instagram feed a few days ago and saw photos of my friends' babies. And then it hit me. It doesn't hurt anymore when I see them. After the miscarriage, it used to upset me so much to see photos of my pregnant friends or photos of their babies. I even unfollowed some of them on Instagram and muted them on Twitter. Pretty bad eh? Everytime I looked at them, I would think to myself that this was all so unfair. Why them and not me?

And then that feeling disappeared a couple of days ago. Don't ask me how or why. It just did. Maybe I have healed emotionally. And though it's a good thing, I can't help but feel a little bit guilty. I'm starting to forget what it feels like to be pregnant, to be carrying my little peanut in my womb. Granted I've never experienced morning sickness, so there's nothing to remember about that. One thing I do remember is waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes more than once, just to pee.

Anyway, I think I'm over it. It's time to let go of the past and move forward. DH and I still haven't decided when to start our next IVF cycle, and I'm fine with that. I don't want to rush into anything. All I know is that right now I'm in a standoff with infertility, and I gotta say, I ain't gonna the one who blink first.

In other news, AF finally came last Friday and it was nasty! My God what it did to me emotionally. I was in such a crappy mood that even the tiniest things set me off. I know it was my hormones messing with me but I felt like DH wasn't paying much attention to me, so I didn't speak to me almost the entire weekend. Poor guy. I bet he didn't know what hit him. I did go for a little run yesterday to let off some steam so that calmed me down a bit. DH ran with me although truth be told, I wouldn't mind going running alone.

Ooooh I also watched The Amazing Spiderman with DH on Friday night. Though I was in a foul mood, I quite enjoyed the Spidey reboot. There's nothing new with the plot. I wish they could have gone with a different storyline and the villain played by Rhys Ifans, well, I didn't quite connect with him. Probably because I'll always think of him as Spike in Notting Hill. But Andrew Garfield does make a better Spiderman compared to scrawny Tobey Maguire. If you haven't watched it, you should.

Tell me he doesn't make a yummy Spiderman

Let's see. What else did I do last week? I was on a Friday Night Lights (the TV show, not the movie) marathon last week. I managed to watch up to the Season 4. I haven't been obsessed in a TV in a long time but my God was I hooked with this one. There are so many things I love about this show and my only regret is that I didn't watch this earlier. I love the story line and the script in my opinion is one of the best on television. There were moments that made me smile and laugh. There were moments that made me cry like a baby. I love that the show addresses racism and death. I love that the show focuses a lot on the football story line, which is what the show is all about, but at the same time shows the reality of being teenagers in high school, their trials and their tribulations. I love the realistic portrayal of the relationship between Coach Eric Taylor (Kyle Chandler) and his wife Tami Taylor (Connie Britton). I love the interaction between Coach Taylor, Tami and their daughter Julie (Aimee Teegarden). And I love Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford) who plays the shy, stuttering football player who was forced to take on the role of QB 1 after Jason Street (Scott Porter) got paralyzed. I love the relationship between Matt and Julie and the depth of their teenage romance. Call me a silly goose but I love teenage romance. It reminds me of the crushes I had on boys when I was in school/uni :P It's all so realistic and the acting is second to none. I gotta say though that I prefer the original characters in Seasons 1 through 3 than the new ones that came on after the seniors graduate. And I was kinda disappointed when Matt Saracen left Dillon for Chicago in Season 4. For me, aside from Coach Taylor, he is the heart and soul of this show. It's too bad that FNL only got to Season 5 before it got cancelled. I feel like there's so much more stories they could tell on the show. I could go on and on about this brilliant show but I'll leave that for another day. But watch the whole series if you haven't. It's worth your time, trust me.

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"